


Denial

by JustJasper



Series: Spun Hearts [8]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Dating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2013-02-28
Packaged: 2017-12-03 22:30:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/703337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustJasper/pseuds/JustJasper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morgan refuses to admit, and Reid finds it's all he can do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Denial

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive my non-native use of Spanish, and there's no direct translations on purpose.

_“Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them all ambition, cruelty, avarice, revenge, are all founded on lust.” - Donatien-Alphonse-François de Sade_

  
  
With just three weeks until Alejandro’s visa expired, when a Sunday Reid intended to be spent primarily in bed was interrupted by a call from the BAU, he asked if the man would like to stay in his apartment so they could “resume activity” when he got back. He felt the request rather pathetic and presumptuous, but Alejandro had agreed while eyeing Reid’s bedroom bookcase. He’d returned over eighteen hours later, at three in the morning to find Alejandro asleep on his bed, with his thumb wedged about three quarters of the way through Reid’s duel-language copy of Gabriel Garciá Márquez’s ‘Cien Años De Soledad’, or ‘One Hundred Years of Solitude’.  
  
Spencer lay down next to him, not wanting to disturb him even to get under covers, but the pressure on the bed roused him a little and he let out a sleepy groan, letting go of the book and turning over, arm wrapping around Reid’s chest.  
  
“He pensado en ti todo el dia...” he murmured. Reid understood well enough and smiled, scooting down comfortably with Alejandro against him, who had apparently fallen asleep again with ease. The genius closed his eyes and waited for sleep, even though he knew he’d have to get up again five hours later.  
  
He’d never had someone waiting for him like this, never had something this close to a traditional romantic relationship. He was sure he could be happy with Alejandro if the circumstances were different. He wished he didn’t want it to be Morgan that had missed him and fallen asleep against him.  
  


\---

  
  
Reid knew that his team had worked out he was dating someone, but they hadn’t said anything yet. It was little wonder; they were profilers, after all. He could feel eyes on him as he drank from his glass, taking in the surroundings; it was their usual haunt when they got a rare opportunity to have a team night out; drinks, bar food, a modest dance floor which Morgan, Garcia and Kevin were already utilising.  
  
“Reid?” Prentiss drew his attention. “You okay?”  
  
“Yes.” He nodded, deciding he had the opportunity to tell them. He noticed Hotch, Rossi and JJ’s attention lingering on him, waiting to see if he was going to elaborate. “I invited someone tonight, to join us.”  
  
“Is this who you’ve been dating?” JJ asked. Reid had the good grace to look a little surprised, but nodded.  
  
“Do we know her?” Rossi piped up, and despite knowing the answer was ‘actually it’s a man’, what he said was ‘no’. He didn’t have to fumble through the misassumption, because only a few seconds later Reid recognised the form he had been looking for pushing through the crowds. He stood up and was spotted, and Alejandro brushed a hand back through his hair as he strode over.  
  
“Hello Spencer.” He said, putting a hand gently on the small of his back, leaning in close to speak next to his ear. “May I kiss you?”  
  
He was surprised to be asked, but felt a warm feeling that Ale was respecting any potential boundaries he might have. He nodded, and the man put a short soft kiss on his mouth. When he pulled away Reid’s team were trying their best not to look too surprised, and as amused as he was he took pity on them and introduced Alejandro to each of them. He was just finishing sharing the recollection of their meeting in the bookstore when their missing team members emerged from the dance floor.  
  
“Oh-” Garcia spotted Alejandro. “Oh! Hi there!”  
  
He got up to kiss both her cheeks, shook Kevin’s hand as he was introduced, and then Morgan’s with a friendly smile and a nod that to his credit, Morgan returned without fault. He didn’t stay at the table long, though, soon returning to the usual group of girls wanting to dance with him. Reid tried not to let his eyes follow him, concentrating instead on Alejandro and Prentiss exchanging a few words in Spanish.  
  
Reid thought his boyfriend – that’s what he was read as, at least – fared well under the gaze of the gathered profilers, some of whom were less than subtle in their interrogation of him. To his credit, Alejandro sidestepped most of Rossi’s questions designed to make him reveal things about himself, keeping what he wanted private. He didn’t doubt that he’d get quizzed at work by Prentiss and JJ, but they did a good job of not passing comment on how lacklustre his public dating life had been so far.  
  
Alejandro met his eyes over his drink, holding his gaze and smiling softly at him. He might not be Morgan, but he was certainly the best thing that had happened to him in a long time.  
  


\---

  
  
“You’re jealous.”  
  
“What?” Morgan said, looking up from his breakfast. Garcia was staring him down with an intensity that made him fidget.  
  
“You’re jealous of Reid.”  
  
“Why would I be jealous of Reid?”  
  
“Morgan, you know you can be honest with me, right?” She continued, without answering his query. “Are you... gay? Bisexual? Is that why you’re jealous of Reid, because he’s exploring his sexuality, and you’re... well, not?”  
  
“Garcia, what are you talking about?” He laughed, a practiced sound that he knew didn’t sound fake.  
  
“At first I thought it was because he hadn’t told you, that you were feeling put out because he’s you’re best friend and he didn’t confide in you,” she reasoned. “But the way you’ve been looking at them...”  
  
“Garcia, I’m not jealous of Reid.”  
  
“And I’m not stupid.”  
  
“It’s not what you think, though.”  
  
“Then if it’s not that, the only other option is that you’re jealous of Alejandro because you want Reid all for yourself,” the playful grin that had been in play froze, and then her brow furrowed. “Wait.”  
  
Morgan took a drink of coffee, feeling cornered. She couldn’t know, he couldn’t admit it. There was no way to avoid it though; if he ran, she’d know he was fleeing.  
  
“That’s it, isn’t it?” She put her fork down, tilting her head a little. “I knew it. I thought I was just seeing things through happy rainbow glasses, but you’ve got a thing for Reid, haven’t you?”  
  
“Penelope...”  
  
“You’re not denying it!” Her tone was a mixture of conspiratorial and gleeful, and she’d picked up her fork again to gesture at him with. “God, I should have known I wasn’t over-thinking. Does he know? He’s with Alejandro, and – oh, my baby.”  
  
“Garcia, stop, I’m straight.”  
  
“Oh,” she paused, thinking. “Well, plenty of people have an exception.”  
  
He laughed in a way that shook his shoulders, and she glared at him.  
  
“Of all the people in the world to understand how complicated and squiggly-wiggly sexuality is, I thought you’d be one of them.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“You’re a profiler. You know it’s not black and white.” She paused, rolling her eyes to herself. “Except when it comes to you, right?”  
  
“Garcia-”  
  
“Morgan, just think about it. How many other guys have there been in your entire life, who you’ve given a nickname to, that nobody else uses?”  
  
“You think just because I’ve got a nickname for him I’m-” he didn’t know exactly what she was inferring.  
  
“I think you need to consider what he means to you.”  
  
“He’s my friend.”  
  
“Do you want him to be more?”  
  
“What? No.” Morgan shook his head. “We- no.”  
  
“If he expressed interest, would you entertain it?”  
  
“Penelope-”  
  
“Are you in love with him?”  
  
“I-”  
  
“Do you want to be with him?”  
  
“I don’t know!” Morgan yelled, slamming his mug down so hard hot coffee spilled out over his fingers. He swore and pulled them away, flicking excess coffee over the counter.  
  
“Derek,” Garcia sighed, handing him a napkin, “you can’t just ignore this.”  
  
He bit the inside of his mouth, refraining from answering back that he’d done a good job of ignoring it so far.  
  


\---

  
  
It was really nothing like having sex with a woman, for Reid’s experience. For one Alejandro wasn’t an inexperienced young adult lying back and not knowing what was meant to be happening like Reid’s few one-off encounters late in his college years. The mechanics were certainly different, too; under him Alejandro was hot and tight, responsive to each little jerk of his hips as well as the more pronounced thrusts. Reid was enamoured by the way he could control the motion, how slowing and speeding up would draw different responses, different moans and breaths, and as both of them climbed towards their finish, breathy words.  
  
“Fóllame!” Alejandro gasped throatily. “Más duro, más duro!” And then when Reid evidently didn’t understand, “harder...”  
  
“Oh, right, okay-” he panted, increasing the force of his thrust as the Spanish man laughed gently and pulled him down by the neck for a kiss.  
  
“Más rápido...” he moaned against the other’s mouth, and even if his brain was having trouble translating in the midst of sex, he understood that request well enough, and sped up.  
  
Spencer was proud to be able to drive the other man into orgasm first, but he wasn’t far behind, groaning and crying out, hips bucking erratically into the man’s spasming recess in the ripples of their climax. Alejandro clung to him, heels hooked behind his knees and hips still moving wantonly in the residual throws of climax.  
  
“Spencer,” he breathed, cupping the man’s face in his hand, looking up at him from between heavy eyelids, “it would be so easy to fall in love with you. I do not understand how he isn’t.”  
  
“What?” Reid blinked, disentangling himself from the other man. He’d kept from using gendered pronouns when he’d talked about Morgan, so Alejandro wouldn’t know who he was disclosing feelings for.  
  
“You’re in love with Derek.”  
  
“I’m not,” he murmured, busying himself with disposing of the condom, back to his lover as he crossed the room.  
  
“Tell me you don’t wish it was him who just laid under you.”  
  
“I-” Denying it would be a lie. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Spencer, come here,” the man’s tone was kind, and he waited until Reid turned slowly and came back to the bed, slipping in beside him. He ran his hands reassuringly up his arms to cradle his neck and the back of his head, bringing their eyes level. “You do not need to apologize. We were clear about what this is for us.”  
  
“How did you know?” Reid asked as he relaxed into the man’s hold, allowing himself to be physically comforted.  
  
“I already knew it was someone, it was just deduction of the signs at the bar the other night. You didn’t look at him all night, not even just a glance. That takes purpose, thought, to not do. You profilers might be good at this, but we are human, we can all read each other on some level, it is the basis of our communication.”  
  
Alejandro released him, not crowding him as he lay down, settling into Alejandro's bed beside him. He turned off the lamp, but there was a streetlight almost directly outside of his window which gave Reid enough light to be comfortable sleeping there. Sleep, however, was not what was on his mind.  
  
“I love him,” Reid admitted into the dark, before either man’s eyes could adjust. “I’m in love with him. And if I hadn’t had sex with him, that would be fine. If I’d just stopped, and thought, I wouldn’t know that he doesn’t love me too. I wouldn’t know what he sounds like when he orgasms, or the way he kisses. The idea of living knowing those things, but knowing I can only have them if it doesn’t mean anything...”  
  
“It’ll destroy you,” Alejandro said quietly.  
  
“He’s straight, he says. He identifies as exclusively heterosexual. But he didn’t-” he paused, considering the words before he said them. “He didn’t treat me as if our copulation was purely sexual release. He worked very hard to make sure I reached orgasm first on both occasions, he kissed me. On the second occasion he kissed me in public, in the back of a taxi. He was as caring during our sexual encounters as he always is. As soon as I implied I had feelings for him, he insisted on his heterosexuality. He refused to consider any other possibility, but at the same time wanted to continue. He doesn’t feel the same way I do.”  
  
“He feels something,” Alejandro offered into the dark.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Well,” there was a smile in his voice when he answered, “he didn’t look at you the entire night, either.”  
  


_“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.” - Federico García Lorca_


End file.
